Jesus on Divorce
Matthew 19:1-12
March 18, 2012
Well there you have it.
This morning that famous topic comes back around.
This morning we talk about divorce, and while it is never a fun subject
There are several reasons why we must cover it.
The first is obvious – it’s in Scripture.
We definitely are those who have committed ourselves to a systematic
And verse by verse study of Scripture
And with that type of commitment it is impossible to skip this passage.
Matthew felt obligated to include this conversation so we must cover it.
A second reason is because it is so relevant.
Ten years ago the statistic was that 50% of all marriages end in divorce,
And I fear the percentage has probably only risen since then.
Divorce is an epidemic,
And the truth about divorce and remarriage must be proclaimed.
• Some live under guilt having been divorced and not understanding that based on their circumstances, it was permitted and they need not feel guilty.
• Some have blatantly broken God’s command and have never repented and so need to see that their divorce was sin and they need to repent before God.
• And certainly some have never been divorced, some not even yet married, and need to know the truth as to what God thinks about it.
And so this morning we tackle this very controversial issue.
But before we dive into the text and get into the specifics,
It is important to understand the purpose behind the story.
Obviously the topic just sort of comes out of nowhere here.
And that is because Matthew uses this story to illustrate a deeper issue,
And that is the inevitable suffering and animosity towards Jesus.
You will remember a promise Jesus made earlier to the disciples:
Matthew 16:21 “From that time Jesus began to show His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised up on the third day.”
Of course the disciples didn’t like it, but it was truth none the less.
And Jesus reiterated that truth several times since then:
Matthew 17:11-12 “And He answered and said, “Elijah is coming and will restore all things; but I say to you that Elijah already came, and they did not recognize him, but did to him whatever they wished. So also the Son of Man is going to suffer at their hands.”
Matthew 17:22-23 “And while they were gathering together in Galilee, Jesus said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men; and they will kill Him, and He will be raised on the third day.” And they were deeply grieved.”
Jesus had been driving this truth in,
And clearly Matthew is on that theme in his gospel.
And now as Jesus enters Judea on His way to Jerusalem,
Matthew reveals that the attacks already started.
The point of the story is that Jesus is under attack,
The attack just happens to be in regard to divorce.
And that makes sense to us.
Can we think of a more controversial issue than divorce?
Trust me, no preacher wants to be cornered talking about the subject.
And that is what is happening here.
The Pharisees are attacking Jesus, just as Jesus said they would,
So, just to sort of keep the book of Matthew flowing for you,
You can just make a note in your margin that while we learn about divorce,
The reason Matthew included the story is to illustrate
The inevitable attacks that Jesus would face.
That being said, let’s learn this very important truth this morning.
First, let’s look at the setting.
(1-3) “When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”
So Jesus finished His sermon on the church and they left “Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan;”
Jesus isn’t moving directly toward Jerusalem at this point,
But He is beginning His journey there.
And even in the midst of this march toward His death, His compassion is still clearly seen, “and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there.”
And we could talk again about the POWER of Jesus,
Or the COMPASSION of Jesus, or even the FOCUS of Jesus.
But the real issue is the POPULARITY of Jesus.
He is drawing a crowd and that makes Him all the more a threat.
And that is the reason for this inevitable attack.
(3) “Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”
Now their purpose is not hard to see.
Jesus is surrounded by a crowd, and because He is healing them,
Certainly He is popular.
The Pharisees desired to do something to curve that popularity.
WHAT BETTER WAY THAN TO PUBLICLY GET HIS TAKE ON DIVORCE?
Jesus was sure to alienate half of the crowd
If not more right then and there.
The reason is because in Israel there were two main schools of thought in regard to divorce.
There was the Shammai School of Rabbis which taught that all divorce is wrong no matter what. (that is unbiblical as we will see)
There was the Hillel School of Rabbis (Pharisees) which taught that divorce was no issue at all, and could be done whenever you wanted.
The Pharisees were trying to get Jesus to choose sides
And thus damper His popularity.
No different than talking about divorce in public today,
A person who chooses sides is bound to make a few enemies.
The Pharisees are not coming to Jesus for wisdom and direction,
They are setting a trap seeking to ruin Him.
It could even be that they had even greater motives.
The ruler of this area was a man named Herod the tetrarch.
Remember him?
Luke 3:18-20 “So with many other exhortations he preached the gospel to the people. But when Herod the tetrarch was reprimanded by him because of Herodias, his brother’s wife, and because of all the wicked things which Herod had done, Herod also added this to them all: he locked John up in prison.”
Herod was the ruler and living in adultery and because John confronted Herod’s sinful state, he locked John up and eventually beheaded him.
It could have even been that the Pharisees were hoping Jesus would condemn divorce (as they expected based on the Sermon on the Mount)
And would end up with John’s fate.
So this is a trap meant to at the very least hurt Jesus’ reputation
And possibly even to bring about His death.
But, either way the question has been asked.
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”
And that is a question worth answering.
The Pharisees believed it was.
They divorced their wives for things like:
• “Letting her hair down in public”
• “Talking to another man”
• “Burning the bread”
• “Over salting the meal”
• “Speaking ill about her mother-in-law”
Any of those things were a quick way to get a written paper of divorce.
The point being that the Pharisees doctrine made it easier for them
To satisfy their lustful desires for another woman.
If they saw a woman they wanted, perhaps younger or more attractive,
they had no problem finding grounds to discard the first one.
It was easy.
And it really isn’t much more difficult than that today.
People get divorced for the strangest of reasons.
• Some because they don’t like the family
• Some because they don’t like the income
• Some because they find someone better
And that is the question presented to Jesus.
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”
#1 THE COMMAND OF JESUS
Matthew 18:4-6
I love every time Jesus says, “Have you not read” to the Pharisees.
I have this mental image of them clutching their chest like Fred Sanford.
It is to insinuate that the only reason they would even ask
Such a dumb question is because they are ignorant.
For if they had only read the Bible, then they would know the answer.
“Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?”
The Pharisees wanted to know if divorce was OK,
But Jesus doesn’t appeal to the Law, He appeals to God’s created order.
God created them “male and female”
In the Hebrew it is literally one male and one female.
The idea being that they had no other choices.
God was spelling it out for them.
Things like polygamy or homosexuality or sexual immorality
Weren’t even options.
He made one male and one female,
And they were smart enough to figure it out.
Furthermore, based upon creation it was written that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”
The idea there was of a joining between the man and the woman.
And God actually called the union “one flesh”
In God’s eyes they were joined into one.
(6) “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
And Jesus point is clear.
You would seek to get a divorce for any reason at all
When God was clear that no one should separate
What He joins together.
It is very clear what the intention of God was,
Who do you think you are to go against His intentions?
Malachi 2:13-16 “This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
Before we even get into what the Law says about divorce,
We would do good to go back and examine God’s original intent.
He created one man and one woman
And put them together to become one
And specifically stated that none should separate what He put together.
I should think that is pretty clear.
Anyone who thinks divorce is in any way part of
The will or intention of God is missing the very order of creation.
And this is Jesus’ answer to the Pharisees.
Don’t separate what God has joined.
The Command of Jesus
#2 THE CORRECTION OF JESUS
Matthew 19:7-9
Well Jesus gives the intention of creation
And this MUST HAVE DELIGHTED THE PHARISEES
For now they get to back Him into the corner they were waiting for.
They already knew His position on divorce,
He made that clear during the Sermon on the Mount.
They expected Him to be opposed,
Now they are ready with their counter argument.
“They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
Now you need to know that they are misrepresenting Scripture here.
They are quoting from Deuteronomy 24
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.”
It is clear that Moses was not commanding divorce.
Moses wasn’t even dealing with divorce there.
He was dealing with remarriage.
He was saying that if you divorce your wife and she becomes another man’s wife you cannot take her back, as that would be adultery.
But he never commanded divorce.
He never said you had to do it.
And yet that is the argument of the Pharisees.
Why did Moses command divorce?
To which Jesus responds:
(8) “He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.”
Notice Jesus changed the word “command” for “permitted”
Moses didn’t command divorce, he only permitted it.
And the only reason Moses permitted it
Was because the people had hard hearts.
• It was because of spouses that persisted in sin.
• It was because of spouses that refused repentance.
And in such a case, God does not punish an innocent party
By forcing them to stay married to a chronic adulterer.
And Jesus makes that clear by saying:
(9) “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Jesus reiterates the point He made in the Sermon on the Mount:
DIVORCE CAUSES ADULTERY
When two people get a divorce, and God has not recognized it,
And then those people find new partners, God only sees adultery.
Now, when adultery has occurred, God will permit a divorce,
But it is never commanded.
The original command for an adulterer was death by stoning.
So if your spouse committed adultery, they were stoned
And obviously you were free to remarry, since your spouse was dead.
But God in His mercy actually did let some adulterers live.
(David comes to mind)
But in showing mercy to adulterers
He was actually punishing their faithful spouses.
So God allowed that in the case of adultery,
If the adulterer was permitted to live, they could be sent away,
So as to offer the innocent spouse an opportunity for a true relationship.
So divorce was permitted, but never commanded.
And this is something our society needs to know.
Sadly, this is something even many in our churches need to know.
There is no command in Scripture that forces divorce.
God never says you have to do it.
Even if they are the most vile adulterous person alive,
You do not have to divorce your spouse.
However, if your spouse is an adulterer, then God will permit a divorce,
Not because He likes it, but because He does not choose to punish the innocent party for the sin of another.
However, if you divorce your spouse for any other reason,
God isn’t buying it.
Now, here is what our society needs to know.
1) STAY MARRIED
You made a commitment, you entered a covenant,
And God is not a God that takes such a thing lightly.
If you are contemplating a divorce, don’t.
God’s intent is that you stay married.
2) IF YOUR DIVORCE WAS PERMITTED
Don’t let society or even the church beat you up.
If you are the victim of an adulterous spouse,
God has chosen to be merciful in that the He permitted a divorce.
If God permitted it, you have no reason to feel ashamed.
You are no different than God
Who was Himself divorced from an adulterous wife.
Isaiah 50:1 “Thus says the LORD, “Where is the certificate of divorce By which I have sent your mother away? Or to whom of My creditors did I sell you? Behold, you were sold for your iniquities, And for your transgressions your mother was sent away.”
God divorced His adulterous spouse.
If that was what happened to you, there is no reason to feel ashamed.
3) IF YOUR DIVORCE WAS NOT PERMITTED
Meaning if you got divorced for any other reason then there is a problem.
God doesn’t recognize that.
I’m not saying you weren’t married to the worst person on the planet,
I’m just saying God didn’t say that your divorce was allowed.
And now you have two choices.
Reconcile with your spouse
Or stay single and celibate for the remainder of your life.
It is too late for that, then it is time to repent.
The Bible says you committed adultery and you must repent.
Now, I’m not riding my high horse, the Bible says I’m an adulterer too
If I look at a woman with lust.
I’m not trying to elevate myself higher than you,
I’m just not willing to let you justify what God calls sin.
If you divorced for some reason other than adultery
And you have since entered a relationship with another person,
You committed adultery and you must repent before God.
Jesus says it is adultery.
And that is what He told the Pharisees.
The only possible reason for seeking a divorce
Apart from Biblical grounds is that you have a hard heart.
So they attacked Him, but He not only revealed that they were wrong,
He also revealed that they were wicked.
The Command of Jesus The Correction of Jesus
#3 THE CONFUSION OF THE DISCIPLES
Matthew 19:10-12
Boy you have to love the disciples here.
“If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.”
They sure didn’t hold out much hope of making it last did they?
“Jesus, if You’re saying we can’t get divorced
Then I’m just not going to even get married!”
That kind of reflects the selfish mindset of so many.
Friends, listen.
You do not enter a marriage to get your needs met,
You enter a marriage to meet someone else’s needs.
Marriages between selfish people seldom ever last.
Psalms 127:1 “Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain.”
You have to die to self to enter a marriage.
• A woman is choosing to be a submissive help mate to her husband.
The very notion of that requires her death to self,
Often times taking a back seat,
A willingness to rearrange her agenda to help her husband,
And a submission to follow his lead even against her own ideas.
• A man is choosing to be a sacrificial protector and provider.
That requires death to self,
To love sacrificially as Christ did
Aa willingness to consider her needs above his own desires,
A commitment to do what is best for her even to his own hurt.
A willingness to stand in the gap and face adversity for her benefit.
You can’t do that in selfishness.
It takes a commitment.
Obviously people don’t want to make that sort of commitment.
Apparently the disciples didn’t want to.
And Jesus addressed that idea.
(11-12) “But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. “For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”
Jesus revealed that there is a gift of singleness.
• Some are born that way,
• Some are made that way by man
• Some make that commitment for the sake of the kingdom.
It was these that Paul spoke of in his letter to the Corinthians.
1 Corinthians 7:6-9 “But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Later in that same chapter
1 Corinthians 7:25-27 “Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife.”
And again
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”
Now clearly marriage is of God.
He created it.
But Paul is saying what Jesus is saying.
While marriage is good and he who finds a wife finds a good thing.
It is also true that singleness is an option.
But what Jesus is also saying:
If you have an issue with commitment, don’t ever get married, stay single.
Because once you do get married, divorce is not an option.
IT CAUSES ADULTERY
It is not OK
God hates it.
It goes against His nature.
He will permit it under the circumstance of adultery, but He still hates it.
Now I guess the only thing to say at this point is if you are married, Grab your spouse by the hand, look them in the eye, and say again
“I take you to be my lawful wedded ________________.
To have and to hold from this day forward
In sickness and health
In poverty and wealth
Through the good and the bad
Forsaking all others until death alone shall part us.”
Let your spouse know you are in it for the long haul
Throw the word divorce out of your vocabulary
Now, if you’ve already crossed that bridge and have sinned against God,
Then it’s time to repent and ask for His forgiveness.
It may even be time to ask for your former spouse’s forgiveness.
God even promises to forgive and He can bring ashes from beauty,
But that doesn’t negate that repentance is necessary.
Marriage is a serious union to God,
And breaking that is a serious offense.
If you’re already remarried, then still repent
And make a commitment to this spouse.
For Scripture says:
1 Corinthians 7:27 “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released.”
Commit as God intends.
Jesus wasn’t necessarily planning to preach on marriage this day.
They used this controversial topic to try and get Him in trouble.
But He did address it and His words ring true,
Make your marriage a priority and commit to your spouse.
Genesis 2:18-24 “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
